Students, have you ever felt the burning desire to voice your frustration about a professor but never knew where you could do so anonymously? Well, brace yourselves—your prayers have been answered. Morton College has taken student engagement to the next level by expanding its suggestion box to unprecedented proportions, and by “unprecedented,” we mean it’s now the size of a trash can. Because who doesn’t love a trash can, right?
Gone are the days of stuffing your complaints into a cramped, 5”x3”x2” plastic box—an arrangement that was, frankly, only suitable for tiny complaints and perhaps an occasional soggy Paisan’s lunch receipt. The new open-concept plan promises a vast, infinite, and, dare we say, “welcoming” environment for students to express their deepest thoughts.
Historically, the suggestion box felt more like a fly on the wall, lost in the chaos that is the Morton College cafeteria. Students often found their concerns drowned in an ocean of ignored paper slips, or worse—never checked at all. But no longer! Now, your complaints will have a location directly beneath the new, enhanced suggestion “area” where they will be handled with the utmost seriousness by the campus staff. No more waiting around for weeks hoping someone reads your heartfelt critique of the Paisan’s pizza menu options.
One student, who preferred to remain anonymous (because, who wouldn’t want to avoid being personally attacked for suggesting that their professor “actually teach”), shared their thoughts with The Garlic:
“You know, I’ve tried everything,” said the student. “I’ve had multiple meetings with my success coach… that I forgot about. I’ve posted on Rate My Professor three times. But now? Now I can just toss all my frustrations into a massive trash can and let the school figure it out. Progress, am I right?”
So there you have it, students. Make sure to take full advantage of the newly expanded suggestion box. It’s your chance to make your voice heard—or at least heard somewhere—in the vast, echoing void that is your school’s commitment to student feedback.
Love this! Satire at its finest!